Saturday, May 24, 2008

Indians, The Chauvinistic Morons : Part 2

Coming back to Chauvinistic Morons ..... thought of garnishing the previous post. Johan Thain of Merrill Lynch took home $84 million. Well, can we now hear voices that Indians are grossly underpaid? Even Rupert Murdoch of Newscorp took $24 million.... this 77 year old media mogul is married to Wendi Deng, who happens to be 37 years younger than him. I wish i were a billionaire.

Lets check out some other creeps.... Indian minister of state for Human Resource Development. This is what he had to say in rajya sabha about India's research and higher education system: "12% scientists and 38% doctors in the US are Indians, and in NASA, 36% or almost 4 out of 10 scientists are Indians. " If that was not enough: "34% employees at Microsoft, 28% at IBM, 17% at Intel and 13% at Xerox are Indians. " Looks like someone flicked something from an email forward.... all the above facts mentioned by the minister are blown out of proportion. Indians will do anything for self glorification.

I am not done with these Chauvinists yet.... They still have to deal with my final blow. Check this out: Condoms 'too big' for Indian men. A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. This however will not deter Indians as we still are on our way to race ahead of China and become the most populated country. Although I did not participate in the survey, but my participation would've definitely turned the tide in Indians' favor.

Now, for the final nail that'll hit the coffin..... This is what Durex manager had to say "A large number of South African men are bigger and complain about condoms being uncomfortable and too small". Ha ha hahaaaa..... LOL people. Looks like someone should be jealous now.... does this cure the chauvinism?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

ManU, The undeserving lucky bastards

Finally i got to watch the champions league finals...thanks to the repeat telecast. What a match it was.... awesome.

Manchester United.... they've got plenty of luck. Bloody hell! they dint even deserve a place in the finals. The match with Barca.... Ahhh! tht wasn't even a goal! Plain fluke. I could've done better than Scholes with my eyes blindfolded.

I desperately wanted ManU to lose.... (Barca's loss avenged!) but fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony ( ok, i flicked this one from matrix). But then, my anti-alchemist theory was too strong for the universe to ignore. Ugly luck played an ugly part in the game.... Chelsea played with 10 men n still kicked ManU's ass! Way to go boys!

I couldn't resist myself from venting out my anger.... I feel better now.

[ Dear Drogba, please see to it that you target the balls and not the cheeks next time ]

Monday, May 19, 2008

My Letter to Elisha

Dear Elisha Cuthbert,

This is to bring into your notice that after having a look at your Hawaiian photos, I, as a responsible member of Openly Pervert Association for Straight Men(OPASM) am terribly disappointed. You are "out of shape"....and this is unacceptable.

I would like to remind you that you are no longer subject to your own will. You have to give serious consideration to the expectation of all the horny men out there who expect you to take care of your formerly "hot" body. In the greater interest of men and OPASM (n other such organizations of pubic interest....oops! public, sorry. Ignore the typos), I ask you to take immediate action and restore balance before your negligence causes irreparable damage to our lives.

Thank you.

Yours ____fully,

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Fact of the Month

Whale semen has been used for centuries by the Inuit people as an anti-aging balm.

Anti aging?!?! .....WHAO!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Indians, The Chauvinistic Morons : Part 1

Yes, u heard me right....Chauvinistic Morons. Why? I've got reasons to say so. Lemme dissect it for u:

Economic times dated 7 April 2008: Indra Nooyi, the India-origin CEO of beverages major PepsiCo, earns over 81 times more than the world's richest man Warren Buffett in terms of her annual pay packet. Nooyi received an annual compensation to the tune of $14.74 million in 2007 as compared to just $0.18 million drawn by Buffett who heads Berkshire Hathway, which is into life insurance and annuity sales, among others.

Also given were the annual pay packages of Vikram pandit of the ailing Citigroup ( $3.16 million=17 times that of Buffet) and Rajiv L Gupta of speciality chemicals maker Rohm & Haas ( $7.26 million, nearly 40 per cent higher than that of Buffett )

This is called "What the Fuck" news. Warren Buffet, worth $62 billion is a genius in every sense. Someone with a very humble beginning has risen to glorious heights. Also known as the Oracle of Omaha, this man decides to give away all his fortune to charity. He lives in the same house in the central Dundee neighborhood of Omaha that he bought in 1958 for $31,500, today valued at around $700,000. Compare this to Mukesh Ambani's Antilia , his $2 billion worth house for a family of 5 people, what a jerk!

Lets apply some common sense here.... Why would Buffet, with his $62 billion, want any salary? But we Indians have a obsession with "my ass is better than yours" philosophy, "showing off" you see. Well, the morons could have done a better job by comparing the Indian CEOs' salary with Steve Jobs. Mr.Jobs takes home a nominal pay package of $1 annually. OMG! WTF!? Indra Nooyi's annual compensation is $14.74 million times greater than Steve Jobs.....