Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly email

The Good: A friend of mine sent this to me....

From: abc@xyz.com
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 2008
To: ME
Subject: Must Read

Dude, check this out... Funniest thing...This guy is probably taking the sexologist for a ride. I had the laugh of my life...enjoy.

Question: My girlfriend loves her pet Doberman but it sits and watches us when we have sex. It puts me off my stroke, but she says it's cruel to lock it out of the bedroom. How can I stop sex being a doggy spectator sport?

Answer: I can see how having a huge Doberman sit next to you while you are having sex would put most people off. Next time you go around, take loads of toys and treats for the dog so that it stays occupied - that way There's no chance of it joining in!
A note of caution: how much ever you like it, avoid doing it doggy style in front of the canine, or you may just have some unwanted company in bed.

This deserves a place in Femina's Q's and A's section.... poor dog, I feel bad for the creature.

The Bad: These are the ones that irritate you the most. They cover the widest range...from discounts on Viagra to Explanations about Paris Hilton's toilet-phobia. Some ask you to forward the email as Bill Gates or Steve Jobs has promised 10 cents on every mail that you forward to a poor girl who needs surgical removal of the boobs that have grown on her forehead.

The Ugly: Jokes apart, I've been getting a few cases of Email id's getting compromised. Some of victims were reputed and respected people in the society. The attacker used the mail id to send emails to all the people in the address book asking them to send money for an operation of a family member as the victim who's id was compromised was not in a position to get the required funds in time. Calls usual start pouring in offering help out of genuine concern. This is a cheap work of some dickhead scamster.

It really pains me when I am not able to help the ones who are in deep shit.... but I really cant do anything. There is no way to retrieve the email id back. These are somethings that can be done if the attacker is not a bad ass Sith descendant.

1] Try using the Secret Question and its Answer that you provided when you first opened the account.
2] Try using the alternative Email id that you submitted initially.... If you are one of those chumps who use the same password for all your email ids then go screw yourself.
3] Be careful while using public terminal. Use software like Neo's Safekeys.
4] Use a decent anti virus, a firewall and a real time spyware scanner. But again, eveything depends on how you use your PC.
5] The most important suggestion to the victims: USE YOUR BRAIN (if any)

and please STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS. Here is one example

X: Which firewall is good?
ME: There are plenty of good options if you are willing to pay. Even the free ones are good
X: Which one do you use?
ME: Comodo
X: Where can I find it?
ME: Just Google it bitch! I'd pluck your eye balls out if I could with my 1 GB RAM stick.

1 comment:

Nithin "Kitta" Shenoy said...

Thoughts are free - brilliant poem man. Thanks for publishing it. And ROTFL, the doggie thing. :)