Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Harry Butthole Potter

Let me begin with the golden words from Southpark, spoken by none other than Sir Eric Cartman.

Kindergartener #1:: This looks too tough. We’re going to play Harry Potter with the other kids.
Kindergartener #2:: Me too.
Cartman:: Fine. Go on and play ‘Harry Butthole Pussy Potter.’

LMAO.... Harry Potter, the darling of millions of guys, girls n gays around the world. The tragic part is that people don't seem to recognise the "Loser" in the HP.

Who is Harry?
He is a sissy wizard whos suffering from cranial-rectal inversion. He's got no balls of his own.

He is so popular in the book and in the real world, Why is that so?
People love to love losers......harry is a useless, undeserving moron who gets a lot of unnecessary and unwarranted attention. He has not achieved anything in his life. He was lucky enough to be @ the right place @ the right time.

Now, I am a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R.Tolkien. Boy, this book kicks ASS! If u ever had the privilege of reading LOTR, I am sure u would appreciate the intricacies and the depth of the story.....Tolkien created a independent parallel universe of fantasy.

Let me compare the Heroes of the 2 books.....

Harry Potter: A punk who shows off. He has to his credit the achievement of killing his dear ones...everyone he loved, everyone who cared for him. They died protecting him and here v have our brave and courageous hero Harry The Lion Heart ( should have been Harry The Scary Fart) basking in the glory. If u think HP was brave to fight against voldemort, think again. He fought [ rather pretended to fight coz most of the times others did this job for him including his dead mother ] bcoz he dint have an option......voldemort would beat the shit out of him if he dint.
4 words for harry: GET A LIFE LOSER!
4 words for potter fans who talk of the "Good over Evil" message: ESAD!

Frodo Baggins: Now this guy kicks ass! A merry going hobbit who chose to bear the burden of the one ring. Mind u, he chose to, he dint have to. He walked bare foot into the mouth of enemy in spite of the fact that 1000's of evil creatures would be waiting to rip him off. He sundered from the fellowship, he never wanted anyone to bear his burden. Now kids, if u need inspiration, u know whom to look up to.


About the villains now,
Voldemort: He is the unmanliest villain......I one question about this guy:Do you think scaring kids @ hogwarts n freaking them out will add to his image of being a bad ass? NO. U r a sissy, Voldemort. Go find some place in cartoons like Winnie the Pooh [ Voldemort the Nutcraker ].

Sauron: He is a real villain....coz he kills. He is blood thirsty...n he feeds his orcs with flesh. He would conquer the entire middle earth if he gets the one ring, kill every man, women n child. Sauron would beat the shit out of ten thousand Voldemorts any day. Kudos to Sauron, the Necromancer!


About the authors now,
J.R.R.Tolkien, a British author and philologist.He is THE MAN. He published his work way back in 1954-55. He invented languages and was proficient @ them. Read the book to get the feel of the genius.....pure genius.

J.K.Rowling, a greedy British lady who makes a lot of money by writing nonsense. She writes a books borrowing a little for here and there n ends up being a millionaire. If she was good @ her heart then y doesn't she spend her fortune helping little children who need aid. Bhooli surat dil ke khotey, naam bade aur darshan chotey.....

I think JK will continue the HP series. Heres what i think will be the titles down the timeline :
Harry Potter and the curse of Paris Hilton.
Harry Potter and the Stripper factory.
.
.
JK announces Harry is Bi-Curious.
.
.
Harry Potter and the rescue of Britney Spears.
Harry Potter and the return of Voldemort.
Harry Potters marries Voldemort.


I'd be glad even if a few of HP fans realize how GAY HP is after reading this. Force be with u....



Suggested reading:

Harry Potter : Pampered jock, patsy, fraud, by Chris Suellentrop.
http://www.slate.com/?id=2073627

Hate Harry Potter : Cool games like Stab Harry's Face n lots more exciting stuff.
http://www.underwaterdog.co.uk/index.htm

Why I hate Harry Potter : The BBC's Robert Winder explains what he hates about Harry Potter.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4679657.stm


P.S: If u hate HP for religious reasons then I'd gladly kiss JK's ass than yours......3 words for religio maniacs : GFU.

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